Hello, Goodbye, I Love You

This title, stolen from a book my children read in school, really sums up this next stage of parenting for me.

I am once again, on the cusp of some major changes in our family and trying to reconcile what this means for me as a mother, a wife and a person who will be left with a totally different dynamic than the past 20 years of my life.

My oldest returns for a much anticipated Hello in just a few short weeks. This is the longest I have ever gone without seeing one of  my children. It has been nearly six excruciating months waiting to hug that boy. I have watched him leave a 17-year old boy and will see him come home a legal adult who has grown, matured and experienced more than I ever did at his age. Once he returns, it will be quickly prepping to say Goodbye again shortly after as he leaves for college.

My next-in-line will say Goodbye for a summer trip abroad right after her brother returns. After only 2 short weeks as a family of six, I will once again remove a plate at my table and recalibrate the house with one less female inside. Mother hen of her sisters, confidante of her brother, it will feel very different without her around. And just when she returns to say Hello again we prepare for Junior year’s myriad of decisions about her future Goodbyes.

My dear middle is weeks away from becoming a Bat Mitzvah. Watching my baby (for 5 years before her sister came along) become a young woman has been a series of Goodbyes to her little girl days. Watching her learn with her teacher, express herself and take a genuine interest in the process of being a Jewish person has been transformative for both of us.  There is something out of body when you watch your child stand up in front of family and friends and speak. I am a writer, not a speaker. The ability for all 3 of my children to do this still shocks and awes me on the deepest level. I am grateful they are not as publicly speaking shy as their mother.

My baby. My sweet, oppositional-at-times, firm-in-who-she-is and fully confident baby is going to first grade. No more hugs at pickup, snuggles alone on the afternoon couch before the big ones get home. My baby is saying Goodbye to my days and Hello to homework and afternoon snacks. This Goodbye is particularly hard for me as it totally snuck up on me. I have been so busy focusing on the older 3 and their needs and changes, that bam! my baby just went and become a Big Girl.

We spend so much of our lives pouring – love, energy, love, sweat, tears and even cereal – into our children that we don’t take the moment to realize that they are growing up. Right before our eyes. Way too fast. Without any warning.

Any grandmother who’s worth her wrinkles will tell you “Savor every moment, it goes too fast.”

And, here I am. Savoring. It’s the point of it all to let them develop and become. But, when they do it leaves one thinking – How did that happen that they became their own person? Will they still need me? What does this leave for me in our relationship?

Yes, in the end. We’re all just a bit selfish about our mothering. We decided to add these little lives to the world. We prayed for them. We hoped and dreamed for them. We got to smell them, change them, dress them, teach them, love them and oh, grow them up. No one warns you that that part will happen and while it does it will feel like you got kicked in the gut. hard. So, as I catch my breath and learn what is next for me as a mother, I am so grateful I still get my Hellos, Goodbyes and I Love Yous. Those are mainstays at any stage of Mothering. And, that part I am excited for…