Killing Me Softly

 Today’s meeting with my trainer, we’ll call her Annie, was hard. It was a bit of a hectic morning; had an appointment for my son followed by a haircut and then had to drop him off at school.

All that running around meant no time for breakfast, beyond my Starbucks run. By the time I arrived at Annie’s house I was rushed, a few minutes late, but excited to enter the zone…

After the initial warm up exercises we jumped right into medicine ball, arms with weights and a tension band. The tension bands are teeny, weeny rubber bands for the ankles that when stretched make your inner thighs feel like they are literally being burned from the inside out. Somewhat similar to this:

After about three or four side lifts, I felt the room spin. My face got flushed and my head was dizzy. I grappled with not saying something for fear of embarrassment (this was only about 10 minutes into my thirty minutes session- not so sustaining of me…) but I thought passing out would be even more embarrassing, so I caved.

Annie immediately gave me water and had me sit a minute. I felt like a failure, so weak after just 10 minutes. She asked me about my breakfast.

“Um, no I didn’t have time.”

I just failed rule #1 – always, always eat something before working out. Bananas, yogurt and granola are all great choices as they provide potassium, carbs and protein, she explained.

Yum, Yum 🙂

After I got my bearings again and a good drink of water, we went back to work. Twenty minutes of arms, legs and glutes galore.  We were then on to the last phase – abs. After showing my much-improved planking (yay me!) we then did a great abdominal exercise that really, really hurt. Passing a large ball between my legs, up to my hands and then over my head while sitting at a 45 degree angle. Like this:


My abdomen felt used for the first time in 16 years – since the birth of my son. I had to stop a few times. Annie was great at encouraging me and slowly I completed them.

I finished my workout and left. In my car I felt defeated. It is so hard to accept that your own body has become so incredibly weak. We think that with children, running around and taking care of things that we somehow, someway work out our bodies enough.

But, the truth of the matter is, many of us are super, super weak. It’s really been fine for us overall, but I want more for myself. At least today I do…we’ll see how I feel after a few more weeks of torture.

I felt sad all the way home.  Maybe, this is just too hard?

Once I ate something (frozen fat free Greek yogurt topped with strawberries, bananas and granola!) I started to feel somewhat better. Again, working on my patience here – I know this is a long, hard road to becoming stronger and healthier. I am just going to focus on my goal of becoming less mushy and more resilient. I have no number, no target zone – I just want to feel good.

Next week I am off for a family trip. Annie gave me some tips to work on while I am away. Hopefully I will forget about today and come back renewed and refreshed! Wish me luck!