In the beginning, I worked hard. I mastered the art of Pinterest birthday cakes before there was a Pinterest. I ran Mommy camp complete with programming from sunrise to sunset. I bathed my children daily. I fed them only the occasional ‘special treat’ and ensured that teeth were brushed fairly often (I will admit that we didn’t floss and didn’t always get to twice a day). In a world before Facebook and then after, I shared my Mommy Crown with the world. Many younger mothers told me they looked up to me, many co-moms and I shared fist bumps along the way. But, much like Luvs Moms, I wised up and realized something – I’ve been working too hard, too much and unnecessarily.
No longer will I fret over perfect little children with perfect little lives and perfect little cakes and perfect little projects. I have learned to do my best, give my best and hope for the best.
I dropped my oldest off at college 3 days ago. Of course, he had everything on his list and more. He even thanked me for remembering the little things. I thought I was totally fine with this next phase. “I’m cool. I can handle this.” But, at that moment when they announced it was time to say goodbye to our freshman well, the tears started filling up. I even got a few good hiccup heaves. Okay, I totally lost it. Let’s just leave it at that. But, these tears were not tears of fear, like last year when I said goodbye to him for a year. They weren’t anxious hiccups and sobs, like I had on his first day of high school. Not sad tears, like I had when he went into Kindergarten screaming and crying (or maybe, that was me? who remembers!). These were new tears, excited and full of pride. My baby was no longer a baby. He has become a capable and fully ready young man-boy. No? Okay, I can admit it. He is a full-fledged-legal adult. His own person. And a fantastic one at that.
So today, when I said goodbye to my beautiful Junior in high school, my adorable and fashion-forward 7th grader and my ever-ready-to-take-on-the-world little 1st grader – I was ready. Ready to let them go and be. Be the people they need to be today and every day. Not because I packed them a perfect little lunch (which I did) and not because I got them the best first day outfit (which I did) and not because they had every single thing they needed in their lockers all set up (they did). Because they were ready. Ready to be good, confident, kind and wonderful additions to the world.
As the Provost of the University said at my son’s convocation ceremony, “Parents, it’s time to let go.” Those words stung all of us Moms. I saw the looks of sheer horror on their faces. I even heard a Mom behind me mutter, how dare he tell me to let go! But, no truer words can help a parent remember the painful and wonderful truth. We are raising people. People to become their own persons. The sooner we get it the sooner we can develop deep, meaningful relationships with our people that enhance their characters, validate their feelings and allow them to grow confident and capable. I get it now. They will always need me. But, not to button up their pants or tie their shoes or make their lunches. But, to hug them and whisper you got this at just the right moment. To know that I trust them, I’m proud of them and I will always have my ear listening for a phone call, or text to help them through a rough patch. I know my younger ones are getting the ‘experienced mom’ and like I have said before, my older guinea pigs are doing just fine despite the earlier experimentations.
So, today on this first day of my emptier nest – no tears. Just pride. Go out and conquer, my little ones! Mommy has cookies and hugs when you come home…