I was in a stinkeroo mood this week. Lots on my to-do list, many obligations coming up in the next few months and I just felt horrified when I looked out my window yesterday morning and saw snow. Lots of snow. Yes, snow on the very first week of spring.
I felt defeated. No way out of my funk without at least some sunshine. I took it out on those around me, crankiness taking over. My husband took it in stride, keeping his space and then trying to help flip the switch to Happy. My children took the cue that perhaps it was time to leave mommy alone (nothing is worse than the wrath of a cranky mother) and did their own thing .And, there I was for days in my funk trudging along.
So, this morning, I did something about it. I took a bath. A long leisurely, bubbly and candlelit bath, in a last-ditch effort to kick the mood. As I lay in the suds soaking, my mind wandered to my to-do list. “Just breathe” I told myself. And, in 30 minutes of phones ringing and unanswered, shopping lists and articles swirling in my head, dings on my cellphone going ignored, I finally started to feel the black cloud lifting.
I realized that it had been many days since I had spent time on me. Breaking my cardinal rule of finding the Me in Mommy, I had forgotten about myself and it showed. I shared this with a friend this mooring who said something shocking!
She can’t ever figure out what to do with her Me Time, so she doesn’t take it. What?!?!?! I told her this was just unacceptable. She shared that she’s not into nails or massages and Me Time just felt too stressful.
So, here I offer you 5 Simple Rules to Me Time. Rules that are meant to guide you to the bliss of a happier you.
Rule #1 No Kids, No Spouse – Any activity that is done without children is one that is faster, simpler and best of all – alone. But, the spouse? Why can’t he come? Isn’t Date Night, Me Time? Nope! Me Time involves the focus being on you. Date night means the focus is on the marriage. Marriage is an entity that needs it’s own nurturing, but this isn’t the time or place for that. So Rule #1, must be done alone.
Rule #2 Anything and I mean Anything that makes you go Ahhhh. If it makes your shoulders drop their stress, it counts. It could be working out (although for me, that’s most definitely not Me Time), it could be reading a book, it could be listening to music in the tub, getting your nails done, walking the mall, meditating, writing, meeting a friend for lunch (although this needs to be a friend that you feel good after being around, not someone who stressed you out!), yoga, tai chi, dancing around the living room in your underwear when no one’s home. If you leave the activity happier it was most definitely well done Me Time.
Rule #3 If you haven’t had it in more than 30 days, you must have it now. Me Time is your sustenance. Like food and water, sex and mental stimulation, vitamins and minerals, without it you cannot maintain solid, grounded, healthy relationships. You cannot give to your children, your spouse, your friends if you have not first given to yourself. As the saying goes – put on your oxygen mask first and then, the person sitting next to you.
Rule #4 No Time, No excuseThere is always time to do things that are important to you. I know you’re busy. I know you’ve got a list a mile long and I also know you do have time for Me Time. Much like parent-teacher conferences, meetings, holidays and dinner prep – put it on the calendar so you show up for yourself. I used to practice writing down a Me Time on the calendar once a month. Then, it became sort of ingrained and I just naturally plugged it in. Now, with my recent cranky episode, I think it’s time to prioritize it again. Schedule a Me Time now!
Rule #5 You’re Worth It Remove the guilt, the negative associations and the stuff that gets in your way of Me Time. You are worth the investment. You are worth the time. You are worth the extra day the dishes may crust over in the sink. Be the best Mom you can be by modeling self care and self worth.
Stop. Drop. And, plug back into what you need most right at this moment. Put the Me back in Mommy. It will be the best thing you’ve done all month.
Have a great day – even with the snow.