The Spice of Wife: Shaken, Not Stirred


I have a confession to make. Sometimes, marriage is boring.

With the winter Polar Vortex, formerly known as Cold, in full throttle and half my friends on warm Florida or Caribbean vacations, I sit home. Indoors. With my hubby and kids. Bored. And, cold.

I would love to go for a nice walk, go out for picnic, snuggle up on the warm sand, read a book, side by side in the yard – anything to kick up the heels of this absolutely ridiculous cabin fever.

The American Psychological Association claims healthy marriages are not stale, cold marriages. When you feel the doldrums hit, its time to get out there and try new things together. This doesn’t have to mean skydiving or jumping out of your comfort zone too far (see the time two of the most introverted people tried a dancing class…) it just means getting out of the neighborhood, sitting in a new environment, reinvigorating the communication.

We do go out, mind you.  We have a steady date night once every other week or so at our favorite restaurant. It’s nearly a routine. All the waiters know us, we have our favorite tea for dessert and it’s always a lovely time. But, after years of the same old same old we’re turning into an old, boring couple.

While sometimes, I relish that comfort of knowing the marriage routines, I also know it’s not entirely healthy to keep repeating life. Spicing things up reminds me why I married not only a partner, but also my best friend. I love having fun with him and experience new things together. Its just that with 4 kids and freezing temps it’s hard to get my butt out the door.

I have found even going outside of my little ‘hood, downtown for drinks fosters new conversation.  So, last month hubby got a calendar for his birthday. Each month is filled with an activity – outside of the house – so we can remove the boredom and get out there again. After 18+ years of marriage I think it’s time to date again…

This Thursday we’re headed on a work-related, marriage-related assignment at the Palmer House’ new bar downtown. The tab’s on Chicago Parent but, the fun and laughter’s on us. Looking forward to remembering life outside my four walls and the inside of my car. Looking forward to getting dressed in something jacket removal-worthy. Looking forward to drinking something that makes me feel a little tingly and warm. Maybe, if I close my eyes we can pretend we’re on a beach someplace…

Look for my article in the March issue of the magazine and look for the smile on my face on Friday.


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Posted in: Intimacy, Marriage